• June 2019
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Jordan and the Giant Peach

I’m sure Roald Dahl won’t mind my hijacking of his title, especially since this post won’t even remotely resemble either the story line or literary genius that is James and the Giant Peach.

Saturday finally came; our chance to watch the Buckeyes live. Despite the chillier than normal temperatures and Kristen’s abnormal aversion to anything below 74 degrees, we bundled up and headed down to Evanston to watch THE Ohio State University put a beat-down on Northwestern. Northwestern has long been plagued with the label of the “smartest school in the Big 10.” While that’s great for things like edumacation and the advancement of human kind, it hurts your chances on the football field. We were able to witness this point first hand, along with a few other OSU fans. It was fun.

Unfortunately for Northwestern, word did not spread quickly enough through campus that they actually had a football team. At least, that is my assumption based on the 70-30 split of fans favoring the visiting Buckeyes.


K, J, and 40,000 Buckeye fans

K, J, and 40,000 Buckeye fans

It has to take a little wind out of your sails knowing that even though you’re at home, everyone boos when you get a first down. Despite all this, Northwestern was able to put up 10 solid points. Solid.

After a few hours in the cold with several thousand scarlet-clad fools like myself (and a few purple warriors), we began the lengthy trip home. There is, as we found out, only one road that leads from the parking lot we found. Those situations lead to a lot of sitting around. Due to my abnormal aversion to sitting in any amount of traffic at all, we stopped by a little Asian noodle house for a late lunch, where I had some slammin’ Pad Thai. I’d let all of my loyal readers know exactly where this was, but 1) I don’t have any readers and 2) I don’t really know. After the noodle house stop, we wandered into a Jamba Juice. Mmmmmmmmmm Jamba Juice. The juices you make are soooo… jamba-y??? 

I made quick work of sucking down my tasty peach smoothie, but had particular trouble with a giant blob in the middle. What was this mystery blob in the middle of my smoothie? Why would Josh the Jamba Juicer place such an obvious obstruction to my enjoyment of this refreshing treat? Why can I not just suck right through this blob?

After many minutes of frustration with my Jamba Juice Blob, I threw in the towel. I had to turn my frustrations to the moron going 20 on the on ramp to 94. They should come up with a way to ban all bad drivers. 15 minutes later, when Kristen was finally fed up with my whining about the giant blob, she took to investigating the blob. Despite the darkness (how the hell is it dark just a couple hours after an 11 am game?), she was quickly able to Sherlock the situation. The blob was in fact a peach. 

I was now at a cross-roads. Am I angry at Josh the Jamba Juicer for leaving an entire peach in my tasty treat, or do I relish the fact that I actually came close to eating a piece of fruit? I went with being angry, as it’s easier to be angry at someone than to eat a frozen peach covered in smoothie goodness.